triggs2004 (triggs2004) wrote in the_personals,

James left for Vancouver a few days ago. Now I am home alone once again. For anyone who knows anything about James will know just how close him and I are. We are like brothers, the best of friends, spiritual lovers. We have a bond that is 20 years in the making.
My house is so empty. It's a place that has been full of happiness and good times with so many people for so long and now it's just a bunch of walls.
We had a going away party for him and all of his friends came. It was so much fun to see everyone for one last time together.
James kept my faith alive when it came to believing that I would find someone to love again. Now that he is gone I can feel that faith dying slowly. This isn't because I don't believe in it because I do. It's finding someone where my heart will feel it again. It's been so long since I have been in love with anyone.
I live in a beautiful small city surrounded by lakes everywhere, temp. up to 40degrees celcius in the summer and very short winters that last only a couple of months. It's not the big wild city like Vancouver so it's not the place where you would find hundreds of beautiful gay men and women everywhere you go. Needless to say 99.9 percent of the people I know and are frieds with are straight.
I have lived here for just over 3 years now. I have been on several web sites, posted profiles, and visited chat rooms. I have been on a couple of dates that never amounted to anything.
Recently I met someone that I spent time with getting to know who I found attractive, I thought was fun to be with, but I just couldn't find anything inside me that said I could fall for him. Maybe it was him falling in love with me so fast instead of just enjoying being together and letting things grow and me feeling pressured to fall in love quickly. Between that and him being so serious about everything and always asking if he did something wrong or if I was ok.
Anyway that all ended up with me saying goodbye and him dating a good friend of mine who he just met. At least the seem happy together.
So short of posting nude pictures of myself so I can have people comment and drewl over them what else can I do? I have met so many people online that live outside of Canada. Even a couple that I could see myself falling head over heals for. Unfortunately they are out of reach.
I wonder when someone will walk into my life and that magic will happen where I feel something inside. Wake up this dying heart.
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